OK so here's a more serious post, though I do indeed have too much shit to do.
After 14.5 years of school, I realized that school is not for me. I simply cannot meet the requirements that schools set and expect from me. First of all, I do not have the willpower to learn things I do not want to learn. I pretty much only give a damn about things I want to give a damn about, and all these damn classes are not things I give a damn about. This can be shown with my grades. I've been hitting consistent Bs in high school because, well high school was fun, and pretty damn easy. Now I'm in college, and while it is still pretty damn easy, it is NOT fun. I've been hitting consistent C-'s, with the exception of my one A in Japanese, the only class I ever went to and enjoyed being in and did all the work for.
College was made for people who want to learn. I don't want to learn. If I did, I would rather go to a trade or specialty school. I'd rather get a job after high school than go to college. However, in society it is widely accepted that in order to get a good job, you must have a degree in college, therefore leaving me in quite a bind. I, who have shirked my academic duties for 3 semesters, cannot do much at all to save myself in these remaining 5+ semesters. In fact, I've been pretty much fucked since 8th grade, and it's of course only my own fault. Now all I can do is sit down, shut up, and try to salvage what I can from 19 years of wasted life.
So now the spring semester has begun. I realized that computer science is NOT what I want to do. I do love computers and technology and the like, but I detest programming, and don't want to learn it. I'll take computer engineering over data analysis any day. However, as usual I have fucked myself by making it so that I CANNOT change my major, because all majors require a 2.0 to apply for, and of course I have not obtained said grade, and will not until this semester. Therefore, I'm essentially starting 2 years late, and will probably need at least another year to graduate. Good looking out Eric. My intended major change is of course Media Studies, which I have had a solid interest in for many years now. However, Media Studies is a gay department and requires portfolios by taking classes you can't register for unless you are a Media Studies major, thereby making it impossible for me to make a portfolio. Now I have to force register for classes, and one of the Media Studies classes I took last year and got a D on, is NO LONGER a course being offered, I assume because it was such a shitty class, so I cannot even retake the damn class to replace the damn grade. I don't have any choice in the matter, so whatever.
I would also like to minor in Asian Studies, because apparently being an otaku is useful for getting good grades in Japanese. Also there is the issue of money. I'm not entirely sure if I will continue receiving financial aid after being a dumbass and staying more than 4 years, so that'll burden my family even more.
Eventually I'll get out of school after being a miserable failure and disappointment to my family, not find a job because that's what Media Studies and East Asian Studies will get you, and rot my life away.
Note to future generations:
Don't be a fucking dumbass and fuck yourself over. Every year counts so make good of it.
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The Subway is Out to Get Me
15 years ago
1 comment:
you're right, it is pretty emo. i can't entirely identify with it because well, i've always wanted to learn. yeah, i guess that IS what college is for ... at first, i was afraid that you meant that you would just drop out :O it's good that you're persevering. have you talked to your advisor / the career center about this issue? eh, i think 5 semesters > 3 semesters .. as long as you do try? even if classes aren't necessarily fun, well ... look at it this way: if you don't work at them, they'd be even more of a waste of your time. i'm not sure if that makes sense, but it's one of my motivations for doing work when i don't want to. :x i know you're mad smart - i think king told me that since i met you, in like eighth grade - so ... it's never too late to start over :) the financial aid thing is a bummer; hopefully umm authorities (advisor, dean, etc.) can help you out with that :/ a lot of people switch majors in college, but if you take classes in the summer and stuff, you should be able to make it and maybe even graduate in spring 2011. (or maybe fall 2011?)
i don't know what an otaku is, but i'm proud of you for doing so well in japanese :D whooo i wish i could speak japanese. :/
anyway media studies + east asian studies =/= fail because ... japanese + media studies go together pretty well actually. you can emigrate to japan and do cool stuff there :) seriously there are a lot more career opportunities than just the traditional ones, so again ... talk to the career center or something! :D
anyway i hope you feel better. i know this is a really hard decision to make, but it's a good one cus well you're finally pursuing what you want :) and remember even if the introductory classes are boring, they're worth it! besides, in 10 years when you're working, you won't really remember the painful / mundane memories of doing hw 10 years ago :D
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